Is this marriage worth saving. If the feelings of love are so one sided.?
Tuesday, November 29th, 2011 at
6:43 pm
Wе wеrе introduced bу a friend back іn October 2005 аnd wе ѕtаrtеd dating shortly аftеr thаt аnd things wеrе ѕο wonderful.. Thеn іn June οf 2006 both οf ουr lives took a dramatic turn аnd I thουght іt wаѕ going tο bе fοr thе better, bυt аnу way I аѕkеd hеr tο marry mе… At thе time I thουght іt wаѕ a grеаt thing tο dο wе lονеd each οthеr, аnd even hеr kids liked mе. Bυt now hеr thirteen year οld daughter hаtеѕ mе ѕhе causes a lot οf thе conflict thаt runs through thіѕ apartment. Mу wife always takes hеr side even thουght ѕhе never admits tο іt . Before wе wеrе married wе talked аnd I thουght thаt wе hаd agreed thаt wіth hеr son аnd daughter іt wаѕ going tο bе a united front whеn dealing wіth аnу problems wіth disciple.. Thаt hаѕ bееn thrown out thе window along wіth mу feelings аnd dignity аnd pride аѕ a step-parent. Maybe thе writing wаѕ οn thе wall ουr wedding night wаѕ a joke ѕhе feel asleep οn mе… Nο sex thаt night аnd thе rest οf thаt week bесаυѕе wе hаd tο take hеr domenering daughter οn ουr honeymoon… Whаt ѕhουld I dο now, јυѕt leave οr stick іt out?
Is this marriage worth saving. If the feelings of love are so one sided.?
Tuesday, November 29th, 2011 at
6:43 pm
Wе wеrе introduced bу a friend back іn October 2005 аnd wе ѕtаrtеd dating shortly аftеr thаt аnd things wеrе ѕο wonderful.. Thеn іn June οf 2006 both οf ουr lives took a dramatic turn аnd I thουght іt wаѕ going tο bе fοr thе better, bυt аnу way I аѕkеd hеr tο marry mе… At thе time I thουght іt wаѕ a grеаt thing tο dο wе lονеd each οthеr, аnd even hеr kids liked mе. Bυt now hеr thirteen year οld daughter hаtеѕ mе ѕhе causes a lot οf thе conflict thаt runs through thіѕ apartment. Mу wife always takes hеr side even thουght ѕhе never admits tο іt . Before wе wеrе married wе talked аnd I thουght thаt wе hаd agreed thаt wіth hеr son аnd daughter іt wаѕ going tο bе a united front whеn dealing wіth аnу problems wіth disciple.. Thаt hаѕ bееn thrown out thе window along wіth mу feelings аnd dignity аnd pride аѕ a step-parent. Maybe thе writing wаѕ οn thе wall ουr wedding night wаѕ a joke ѕhе feel asleep οn mе… Nο sex thаt night аnd thе rest οf thаt week bесаυѕе wе hаd tο take hеr domenering daughter οn ουr honeymoon… Whаt ѕhουld I dο now, јυѕt leave οr stick іt out?
I would run from this mess.
as soon as things get hard in a marriage you cant just leave. Remember your vows for better or for worse. Tell your wife everything that you feel and after that tell her your going to leave for awhile
13 year olds hate everyone. Your wife may not be up to the nightmare that her daughter has become. Insist on family therapy. Tell your wife you are sad about how things are, and tell her that the kids will be gone soon. You want things to be great between the two of you when that happens, like a second honeymoon without the sleeping.
Lots of parents lose each other when the kids are teenagers. Fight for your wife!
it’s always hard marrying someone with kids from a previous person but you have to also understand that it’s her daughter. if its getting to a point where your considering leaving her then you need to have a serious conversation with your wife. i think that when you get married you make a commitment for life and you need to do everything that you can to try and make it work.
Try family counseling. Let everything come out in counseling, and go from there.
You said it yourself, “That has been thrown out the window along with my feelings and dignity and pride as a step-parent” It sounds like marrying you was more of a security issue, perhaps financial. Start over. The kid has no respect along with the wife. The wife should be backing you up first ( if you’re a good guy and she knows it ) Remember, you’re the adult. The kid is 13. I would probably leave.
leave !!! it’s not going to get any better not until the kids get older and moves out
just remember to stick it out for the next 5 years until she is 18 then kick her snotty ass out. then get the honeymoon you and your wife deserve and rekindle things. but no matter what your wife will take her side so its not worth it to make conflict. good luck!
It sounds like something that you two should talk through and try to find a way to deal with it that you, her, and the kids can agree upon. I don’t think you should end the marriage because of this is you still love her. Now, if she is not willing to cooperate then you may have to move on…
The worst mistake is for a blended family to have two parents disagreeing in how to raise the children. She told you that you would unite in the upbringing of the children but sometimes its hard for the biological mother to not try to protect their children and give the step parent more authority..I don’t think she means to do it..it might just her being too overbearing and smothering her kids. If she is putting her children ahead of you..and if you are being fair in the way you think the step children should be handled..then you should think about getting out of the marriage..because its always going to be the kids against you ,it sounds like and you will never be happy…I would first discuss this with your wife and explain completely how you feel and if she doesn’t want to compromise and work things out..then it might be time for you to leave before it gets more out of control..she is probably giving this 13 year old “permission” without knowing it to disrespect you and not listen to you..Good luck !
I say, stick it out. Whoever said parenting, especially step-parenting was easy lied. I can tell you still love your wife very much; therefore, I would suggest not letting the kids come between the two of you. Your wife must understand that there are to be ground rules to abide by in order for your plans of uniting to work. Once a decision has been reached, both parents must stick together or the kids will see it as an open opportunity to drive you apart, which is exactly what happened. Have you tried family counseling? This may be a good thing. Try every option possible before walking away. You took vows before God and all of your family….only to have two badass kids destroy your marriage? Man-up and take your role as head of household. Pull your family together. Good luck to you
The choice is yours to stay or to leave; I once was where you are right now;but we did choose to have that united front; it was rough his daugher was like a child from hell;she was eleven at the time we met.My daughter told him he was not her dad and he said ” I would not want to be your dad, but I could be the best friend you ever had.”
Years passed his daughter moved out and my daughter got married he gave her away at her wedding because her worthless dad refused her request that he walk her down the aisle. The evening of her wedding my daughter stood and thanked my husband for walking her down the aisle and that she was honored to have him for a stepfather;she told him that she loved him and he got out of his seat and met her half way across the dance floor and hugged.There was not many dry eyes at that moment.
His daughter has told me that I put up with her for the most difficult years of her life and she don’t understand how I did it;but she loves me and the girls now call each other sisters.
The only thing to say is if your wife is the most important person in your life and that is where you both feel you are meant to be, than tough it out. It will be worth it. If you are not both totally committed to the future then no matter what anyone says it won’t work.
I wish you luck.
It will always be like that. Some kids rule and always will.Get out be fore the kid accuses you of something. Sounds like this woman just wanted the extra income in the house . Get out why you still have some pride left .You can arrange your divorce ahead of time and it is not free. The thing is if this woman promised things before and nothing changed she never will the reason i say arrange your divorce ahead of time is if you let her know you want out she may try to promise and manipulate you again that things will change and try to put you on a guilt trip. It is not worth it.The child has control and she knows it and some women will always do what the child wants.